For His Opening Remarks ... Billionaire Donald Trump Will Bite the Head Off Of A Live Chicken
Trump will then lean into his now blood spattered microphone and say, "I don't know about you, but it always bothered me that Alice Cooper didn't really do it. I am about REALLY DOING THINGS! And I will bite the head off of ANYTHING for my country!!"
After a moment of stunned silence - Mike Huckabee will slap a wig on Marco Rubio - smear lipstick on his mouth and shove his tongue down Rubio's throat, while screaming, between kisses, "You MY "b-word" now Rubio!!!! (Huckabee refuses to curse, no matter what) Look at what a little "b-word" he is!!! right Donald??? You wanna kiss my little "b-word"???"
Rubio will struggle free and cry, "Hey! Cut it out Mike!!" -- then he'll wipe off the lipstick and the moderator, Chuck Norris, will ask the first question, as all time for other opening statements has been used up.
Chuck Norris will direct his first question to Governor Scott Walker.
"If you could design your own "nuclear deal with Iran", as opposed to "the marching the Israelis into the ovens of the Holocaust" one that President Obama just made, what would it be?"
But before Walker can answer Trump takes another bite of the still pulsating yet now headless chicken - and yells "My Deal Would Look Like this!!!!"
Feathers and little pieces of bone fly out of his mouth.
The rest of the candidates all scream variations of "Blow 'em up!" "Nuke 'em all!!" "Kill!Kill!Kill!!" and the like.
Before the next question can be asked - Chris Christie - in a panic - pulls down his pants and attempts to force Neurosurgeon Ben Carson to perform fellatio on him, but he underestimates Dr. Carson's fitness level. Carson deftly pushes the butt of his hand up Christie's nose, snapping his head back, breaking both his nose and his neck - he falls to the stage with a thud, twitching and bleeding. Carson calmly walks back to his podium and says quietly - "Ask me a question Chuck ... I really want you to ask me a question. I know all of the answers. Ask me something."
Chuck Norris, after checking with the producer, calls an ambulance and announces that the debate will pause while Governor Christie gets medical attention. Jeb Bush rushes over the Christie and tries to perform CPR but realizes that he doesn't know how.
Ted Cruz - who's been silent until now, pulls out two automatic weapons and threatens to blow away anyone who helps Christie. Trump calmly walks over - his mouth still bloody from the chicken, which he's eaten at least half of now - and says to Cruz, "Give me the guns Ted."
Ted says, "OK, I'll give 'em to you" - and fires at Trump, round after round. The bullets enter his body and exit - blood pours out - but he just keeps checking his hair and laughing, not falling and not dying. Cruz is running out of ammunition. The others throw their weapons to him.
** (All debate participants were required to bring at least one loaded firearm).
No matter how many times Cruz fires at Trump, he will not die.
The debate finally ends - Fox's ratings are through the roof, and Americans, on the whole, feel that the debate really gave them a better idea of the candidates platforms and stances on various issues. However, all agree that they need to see more debates before making their final decision.
With Chris Christie dead, it is likely that Rand Paul will be able to join the next debate, and of course - the apparently unstoppable Donald Trump will continue to lead in the polls.